I can never forget the first time I saw my oldest son. I was lucky to be in childbirth and be able to enjoy that moment with his mother. It was a wonderful thing, I also remember the following days and conversations with my wife when we were alone.
I remember talking about our feelings now that we were parents, that I didn't believe it, that unlike my wife, I didn't notice any change inside me, I didn't have that feeling of being a father that I now have. Then over time I have realized that there are many other things that, despite the preconceived idea that I had, are not intrinsic to being a father or mother. Here we expose 12 things that motherhood doesn't give you, or fatherhood.
Paternity or maternity does not change your name to dad or mom, or the last name to your child's name (Carlos's mother or Lucia's father)
I am still ME, who I was before I was a father. It is true that for my children I am "dad", even "daddy" and I would even admit "papuchi" (yes, rarely), but only to them, for the rest I am still me and I have a name or a couple of motes, if we have a lot of confidence. The same applies to my partner.
No, I don't have the answer to everything. There are things I don't know
It has been one of the things that I find it hardest to admit. At the beginning, with your baby of months you are lost, you do not know what to do and that scares you even more, you are afraid and it seems that you are 24 hours in the first job interview or on your first day of office and everything happens very slowly. But little by little it is happening and in the end you learn a couple of lessons and the odd trick (which of course only works with yours and only sometimes) but that feeling of "what I do, I don't know what to do" is happening ... Until your child starts asking and then the doubts come back again. Admit it, you're not perfect and best of all, that doesn't matter to your son. For everything else Google.
It has not made me someone better than others
Or at least, not in someone better than it was. I am not more or less than anyone for being a father. Forget that habit of fighting to be the best in everything. Being a father is not a competition, it is daily survival.
My time is no more valuable than that of any other
Not at all, in fact, if fatherhood has taught me anything, it is that the day has very few hours and that if there is anything valuable in this life, that is time. Being a father has made me barely have spare time and when I have them they are almost by chance. That is why, now I value every minute of the day and having that in mind, I also value the time of others, especially when it is my or my children who are dedicated to it.
I have not stopped dreaming
Being a father or mother makes you have your feet on the ground, now you are no longer the only one in the equation. Now there are little ones that require you for almost everything, but that is why I have stopped having my dreams, my goals, my desire to get things. Fatherhood has made him go another way, but the goal, in many cases, remains the same.
I have not stopped having interests or hobbies
It is true that there are some hobbies that I have had to leave aside and others that I can only enjoy very occasionally, but I still have my own distractions from my children, they are still my little corner in the world.
Paternity or maternity does not make you give up your friends
We agree that going out with friends is not the same before after motherhood, but it is also not to stop having contact with them. I know couples who have stopped dating, even talking to their friends once they have been parents. It is true that at first it is very hard and that some relationships are going to resent, but it does not make you less father to stay with your friends and talk for a while about something other than diapers, snot and baby clothes (though, easy either is).
I still like sex
Do you remember how it was done? It is clear that if they are parents of more than one the answer will be affirmative. Along with social life, sexual life is one of those that we leave in the background, at the beginning because the thing is not like to go around playing and then the lack of sleep is going to become the best contraceptive invented by humanity. But despite everything we continue to see our partner as that person that attracts us, whom we want and with whom we enjoy the intimate moments. So when a well-intentioned friend lets go of that "forget about sex for a long time" think that you just have to put a little more imagination.
I don't think my children are the only way to my happiness
We wanted to be parents because we were happy and we wanted to have a child, but they have never been for us a way, a path to full happiness. The whole itself is what has given us that happiness, but I would not be 100% happy without my partner or without my challenges overcome on a daily basis, or without my dreams. My children are an important part of my life, one of the most important, but they are not the only part.
My life has not become perfect
I think he is completely wrong, although it is my modest opinion, who thinks that life becomes perfect at the moment when one is a father. Perhaps it is the other way around, I think that by complicating more, it becomes more difficult to achieve that perfection and of course having very clear that there is never a perfect life. The day to day when you are parents changes at times, forcing you to readjust almost daily making you spend the first years of your life in a continuous adjustment to the situation around you.
I am not a super-father
If you are a mother or father who manages in this world 2.0 of fatherhood you will see blogs and sites full of activities to do with children, crafts to do at home, 1001 sites to visit with your children, how to make a sweater for your children in 325 different ways, birthday cakes, parties, room decoration. Don't you feel the most useless parents in the world? For me to make a costume takes me a week and any resemblance to the original on which I relied is mere coincidence.
That is why it is best to focus on what we do well and let the rest flow, the important thing is not the parties with five-story cakes, the important thing is the day to day with your children, the important thing is your smile.
I will not stop valuing myself
There are no fathers or mothers of first or second, one is no better than another for what you have chosen, so I will continue to value myself without measuring myself with anyone, except myself.
