Last week I was with my family traveling on EuroDisney and, in addition to having a great time, I was able to observe the behaviors, routines and parenting styles of both Spanish and European children.
One of the things that I saw and that most shocked me was the amount of children with a considerable age (say more than 5-6 years), who were in the park with their transitional object.
For those who do not know what the transitional object, it is an object that the child has become accustomed at some point in life that serves as comfort and as an element that provides security and tranquility. It can be anything, although the most common thing is that it is an object of soft texture, something like a blanket, a cushion, a doll or a stuffed animal.
Well, being there I could see children hugging their doll (all the children I saw with a transitional object were wearing a light stuffed animal, with the head and hands with padding and the rest of the body only clothes), smelling it, pressing it against itself , hugging him, circling some part of the stuffed animal with his fingers (like when children spin our hair), taking him by the hand, etc. and, as I say, they were of considerable age, to my liking.
Some also wore a pacifier or even sucked their fingers showing that in general they still had many stages of the baby age to overcome.
The children must mature
In the same way that adults must mature so as not to remain in a permanent adolescence (difficult for many), children must mature so as not to remain in a constant childhood. I do not say with this that we should accelerate the rhythms to ensure that 7-year-old boys no longer want to play with toys “because that is for babies” or that 9-year-old girls want to put on makeup “because they are older”, but allow the children to go growing and evolving by offering them freedom for it, security and accompaniment.
If a child feels valued, safe and with sufficient confidence, he can leave behind him alone the bottle (if he takes it), the pacifier (which can cause malformations in the teeth of children), the diaper and the object transitional, among other things.
That a child of 5-6 years needs to go playing or smelling a stuffed animal, even in the street (some will use it only to fall asleep), is symptomatic that, probably due to lack of security and self-confidence, he is not leaving behind childish stages.
Why I don't like the transitional object
In addition to what has already been said, which is avoidable, the transitional object can be useful for younger children, to support the separation of their parents. In other words, as mom and dad can not be with me, I become a friend of a doll, which will be the one that gives me security, tranquility and confidence.
This virtue makes the transitional object be very useful for some parents and for some children. However, this is precisely the characteristic that makes me not just like it. A child should feel safe, calm and confident with the presence of his parents and they should be the ones he resorts to in case of need and not to a material object.
It is very likely that said transitional object Do not be too problematic at the level of emotional development, however, as a child, I would prefer to have a person (even if it was my grandmother or the caretaker of the nursery) to feel good, not to have to resort to a stuffed animal in unfortunate conditions ( after several years of manipulation imagine the state in which they usually find themselves) and, as a father, I would prefer that my children count on me to overcome fears and tensions.
Children, when they grow up, may not think retrospectively that during their childhood they had to resort to a material object to feel good, but in case it happens, they may think critically that Human warmth, the smell of mom and dad, his arms and his voice should never have been replaced by a stuffed animal.
Photos | Flickr - Alyssa L. Miller, Lara604
In Babies and more | What is the transitional object ?, Transitional objects: the start of the game
