Relationships are based on a mutual agreement of collaboration at home, a distribution of tasks and responsibilities more or less fair, which falls apart when the third human member of the family arrives (who has a pet). If both work, the distribution is usually more or less equitable, or it is tried. If one of them does not work, it is considered that his "work" must then be to take care of the house and the errands, since the other works outside. What if the baby is born and the mother stays at home? Well that: that moment at the end of the day when dad arrives from work and says "how is everything, haven't you done anything?"
And when the baby is born the mother is given her maternity leave and, consequently, stays at home, without going to work, and many men consider that they become part of the second group of couples in which, since he works, she must take care of the home. And they hope to get home and find everything clean, collected, washing machines made, clothes collected and ironed, dinner ready and his wife and baby smiling saying "Hi Dad, how much we missed you!".
And in some cases it is like that, but it is not a majority
Yes, there will be families that are like I just described them because maybe they have babies from the book, those "On and Off", who complain a little while to eat, breastfeed or receive the bottle, they change their diaper and disappear in his bassinet a few hours until they are hungry again. And then at night, they go into hibernation and say nothing until the next morning.
But it is not the most usual, and less if you are one of those pointed out to whom everything seems to go wrong ... of those who do not understand how others can go so great with their babies calm in their strollers and you see yourself with the car in a hand, the baby in another crying, dry milk on your shoulder and thinking "what the hell do I do on the street when I would be better in a hidden house in the world".
It is not usual, because most babies, although they sleep a lot, wake up to eat, to poop while they eat, and what seems like a moment stretches a lot between the "I give it, I fall asleep, I give it the another, he falls asleep, I change his diaper, he hustles and I have to give him again and then he falls asleep and then he wants again. " And that is for the day, but it's also at night, when of course, as dad works and has no tits, she takes care of the baby, having a worse face every day, more sleep and needing to rest, in the end, in the hours that the baby also rests.
Thus comes the time when the house is in the background, not to annoy, not for not wanting, but for pure survival. And it is that many people do not explain it, but babies besides very cute and funny, in addition to smelling very well, have needs that are constantly and noisily demanding. Come on having children is beautiful, but it is very hard, and this one does not realize until he lives it.
But ... "is that you have not done anything"
"Of course, I have not done anything. For not doing, I have not even showered. For not doing, I have not even eaten in conditions, that I had to eat with the child in my arms doing everything with one hand. For not doing , today I have not spoken with any adult other than with my mother for a while on the phone. For not doing so, I have not been able to go and buy what is missing, because if it is already difficult for me at home, imagine going out in the street. Or rather, do you stay one day to see how much you do? "
And that's where man can begin to understand what it is to take care of a baby, where he begins to realize that maternity leave is not a paid vacation with your baby and where he sees that he has to start hovering at home if he wants everything to go ahead. Or that, or your Neanderthal gene will be activated and will start a discussion saying how much she works, how tired she is, that it is not fair to get home and have to roll up her sleeves to do everything she has not done and how difficult it cannot be if her mother had three and her father He never had to take a rag.
It's a season and then everything happens
If you have one of the first, you got lucky, because he will take care of the situation and devote himself to paddling with you: "give me the child for a while and take a shower and whatever you need" (but don't delay, they cry right away), "tell me what I need to buy it Now, "what do you want for dinner?" "We are going to bathe the baby", and so on during the first months (not weeks), until little by little you are going to the new dynamic and the baby is growing , maturing, and changing in terms of rhythms and needs, but always together to one.
If you have one of the seconds, I'm sorry. You will feel lonely on many occasions and you may end up releasing more than one tear for it ... because you will feel that he does not understand you and it will seem to you, in a way, for his insistence on putting his comfort before that of the baby, that I didn't want to be a father. You will quickly deny it, because that is not what you want to think about him, nor is that the man you fell in love with, but that internal struggle will make you doubt and suffer.
And maybe you fall, maybe you end up trying to be the one who fixes the situation by doing what he tells you: taking care of the baby and taking care of the house, 24 hours a day, so as not to have to hear his complaints and reproaches anymore.
What would I do? Well, I'm not a woman, but I'm sure that a baby needs a mother with a minimum of energy and joy, and not a human spoil that ends up getting angry with your baby for waking up so often and asking for so much breast, for claiming so much, losing a patience that should be infinite. So I would do the same every day, what my baby and my energy would let me do. If one day I can do more because I feel like it and the baby is calm, I do more. If one day I am fatal because I have slept with sorrow and the baby is in 24h self-service mode, well look, in this corner of the sofa I sat this morning and here I continue ... if you want the house to be collected, you will have to do it you (if you want to live here like when you were with your mother, go with her).
And if the thing gets very tense, very tight, very bad, take advantage of a Saturday or Sunday, do not work, be at home, so that he takes care of the baby. No from the house, no. Of the baby: "I thought that today you stay with the baby ... I'm doing the housework and you take care of everything, except feeding him (unless I take a bottle, then too). I will breastfeed and then you You already change his diaper, sleep it, talk to him and tell him things when he is awake ... ". This is how you will see what it means to take care of a baby and so you will start creating a link, some ties, that make you feel that everything you have to do, the first is the baby, and that the rest goes later. This, of course, has a little love in that cold heart.
