HOW TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM SEXUAL PREDATORS

According to statistics from the European Council one in five children under 18 is a victim of sexual violence with or without physical contact, a fact that as parents shakes us. But we must not turn our backs on this terrible reality and endow our children with the tools necessary for them to learn to protect themselves.

In 80% of cases, sex offenders belong to the victim's environment, hence many children feel vulnerable and unprotected at the time of giving the alarm. What can parents do to protect them? What signs should put us on alert? Where do sexual predators hide?

Where do sexual predators hide?

Taking into account that the statistics speak of the fact that in 80-90% of cases the sexual aggressors belong to the child's environment, we would be talking about people with whom the child shares much of his day to day and that they also have a certain authority over him.

Family, teachers, caregivers, monitors, coaches, neighbors, and even friends or classmates of the child, especially if they are older than him since More than a third of those who sexually abuse a child are under 18.

In Babies and more How to protect your child from sexual abuse: warning signs and prevention guidelines

Robin Sax, author of Predators and Child Molesters and former Los Angeles prosecutor specializing in sexual crimes against children, states that "Childhood predators tend to look warm, affectionate, affectionate and respectful people", hence Don't raise suspicions among your closest surroundings.

Therefore It is very important that parents know the people who are part of the circle of trust of our children, and with whom they spend more time. Knowing the environment in which they move and asking them frequently about these people is one of the main things we must do to protect them and give the alarm if necessary.

Types of sexual assaults

Child sexual abuse consists in forcing or tempting the child to participate in sexual acts, even if he is not aware of what is happening. We could talk about two types of sexual abuse:

Those in which there is physical contact, such as rape, child prostitution, sodomy, touching, sexual stimulation ...
Those in which no physical contact, such as verbal sexual harassment, having a child look at images of abuse or pornographic material, performing the sexual act or masturbation in the presence of the child, teaching a child sexual organs, encouraging him to behave in a sexually inappropriate manner, taking pictures of a sexual nature ...

Any of these attacks is unacceptable and leaves a deep physical and emotional imprint on the child.

How to teach our children to protect themselves?

We have already spoken on occasion of the Kiko rule, with advice to protect our children from sexual abuse.

The best prevention we can do parents is monitor the environment of our children, inform them about the issue by giving them guidelines according to their age, and fully trust them and in his word as well as let them see that they can also trust us whenever they need it.

That said, let's see how we can focus on the subject according to the age range in which our children are:

In Babies and more 'Kiko's rule': five tips to protect children from sexual abuse

Two to four years

Let's teach our children that their body is theirs and belongs exclusively to them, so we must give them the freedom to set limits and express everything they don't like.

Let's respect if they don't want to kiss, if they do not feel comfortable in someone's arms, or if they do not like to have their hair turned, make a caress or pinch the skunk of them in an affectionate way.

Let's talk with our sexuality children naturally, without using euphemisms and with concepts adapted to their age and understanding.
Let's explain that no person should ever touch his genitals, except for mom, dad or other usual caregivers (grandparents, nursery teachers, babysitters ...) when they need to change their diaper, or the pediatrician when they go to the clinic and it is necessary to do so.
Let us also explain to the child that between him and mom, dad or some other adult with whom the child has a great relationship and trust, there should be no secrets, although other people insist on telling them not to tell anyone something that is happening.

For this it is important that our son knows that we are a safe haven for him and that he can come to us whenever he feels confused, insecure or scared, because mom and dad are going to help and understand him no matter what happened.

In Babies and more, one in five children is a victim of sexual violence: keys to preventing it

Five to eight years

Let's continually reinforce all the concepts mentioned above and support our son when he says NO to a hug or a kiss, even if they are acquaintances or relatives.
Take advantage of the bath time, for example, to talk with your child about his body and its limits, or if you hear any news on the news do not hide this sad reality. Explain that indeed, there are bad people who like to do inappropriate things with children, and that those bad people may even be around them.

It is not about putting fear or making them distrust everyone, but showing them this other reality and how they can cope.

Let's continually emphasize our children that his body is his and nobody should see them naked, except for mom, dad or any other person we trust. Let us see the importance of privacy when going to the bathroom at school, for example or changing in the changing rooms of the pool privately.
Never leave them alone with people who are not our absolute trust, to be interested in any new friendship or person that becomes part of their circle (new trainers, monitors, spiritual leaders, teachers ...) and, of course, teach them that they should never go with strangers, however tempting it may seem to you what these people may come to propose.

At this age it is also time to start teaching them Internet security, knowing perfectly the games or app that we download for them, monitoring the pages or videos they see and, of course, installing parental control systems on the devices they use.

In addition, we have to teach them never provide any personal information on the Internet, such as your name, photographs, age, school where you study or your address, as well as don't talk to strangers, although our son believes that it is another child since, as we know, pedophiles use social networks to contact children.

From nine years

As children grow and enter adolescence, it is important that we continue to reinforce these ideas and know that they should never feel guilty for anything that happens to them, since this feeling of guilt is what leads many children to silence situations of sexual abuse.
At some point in adolescence it may happen that our son distances himself from us and we feel that we have "lost" part of the confidence we had before. In this case It is essential that the child has another adult to whom they can turn to (that we also know and be of our absolute trust), such as an aunt, a good family friend or a teacher that means a lot to him.

When our children begin to use their own mobile phone, they must be very clear about the basic rules of Internet security, photo publishing and proper use of social networks. That is why the awareness and education work that parents have previously done.

Signs that can put us on alert

But despite following all these steps and being convinced that we have provided them with all the necessary tools to protect themselves, parents should never let our guard down and always stay tuned for any signal that may alert us, such as:

Yes our son It tells us that you don't want to be near a particular person, or begin to show rejection towards someone, let's take these feelings into account, don't force him to be with him and try to find out why this rejection.
If we begin to observe ways of playing, behaving or drawing that are strange to us.
If we observe certain physical signs such as unexplained urinary tract infections, redness or swelling in the genital area, stomach aches and lack of appetite, headaches or sudden bedwetting.
Yes our son Begins to manifest emotional problems like irritability, anger, crying, anxiety or fear. It can also be the opposite case and meet children who suddenly withdraw and find it difficult to express their emotions.
If they start to appear Sleeping problems or nightmares
Decrease in school performance without a justified cause that we know.
Signs of sexual precognition, or comments and sexual behaviors inappropriate for their age.

Of course, none of these actions alone always imply the existence of sexual abuse, but they are signs that should put us on alert and make us consult immediately with a child psychologist or a pediatrician.

And if unfortunately our son came to us to tell us that he is being a victim of sexual abuse, let's always trust his word, let us not hide or cover the facts and never doubt what he is telling us, however painful this revelation may be for us.