Although many people do not believe it, we are still animals. And although we adults have developed a reasoning and an intelligence that differentiates us more and more from them (most, of course), our human babies are born being authentic "puppies" whose dependence is, in fact, much greater than that of most other animals.
What I mean by this? That while many adults think that our babies no longer need us to continue treating them like animals, because they expect from them behaviors and abilities that they do not have (that they calm down by themselves, that they do not whine because it is a sign, they say, that they are manipulating us , etc.), many others are clear that in this regard, we have to learn a lot from other species, who know instinctively that their young need a lot of physical contact so that they grow with confidence in themselves.
And what does one thing have to do with another? A lot, because the hormones that babies secrete are very different depending on the care they receive. That's why we talk about the chemistry of emotions, or of why you have to raise babies with love and respect.
Animals know ...
That the more contact they have with the mother, the greater the security with which the offspring grows, and consequently the greater the courage. Thus, the closer she is, the less fearful the puppies are, the more capable the mother feels in caring for them, the calmer in their relationship, and the calmer the children are accordingly.
In Babies and more Why it is not possible to spoil a babyIf we extrapolate this to our babies, the results are similar (or this is at least what Harvard psychologists say), and everything has a chemical explanation: babies' brains secrete different hormones depending on the environment in which they live.
If oxytocin predominates
They say that Oxytocin is the love hormone because it is the one that is secreted when we fall in love, when we are well with someone, when we are comfortable, when we are going to make love even ... and it is the one that babies' brains secrete when they are comfortable with their caregiver.
Babies communicate with parents by crying or by calm, something that we could translate by "No" or "Yes." With the crying They are telling us "No", that something is wrong, and calmly they say "yes", so we are doing well. Thus, if when a baby cries the parents act seeking their comfort, providing tranquility, containment, love and tranquility, the baby will change the stress hormones for the hormones of calm and tranquility: oxytocin and opioids.
At that point, when babies grow up feeling safe, with calm parents who also give them that calm, children grow less fearful and more daring when it comes to exploring, enjoying the moments, eager to learn, and when the moment of relate also to other children and people. In addition, they will also be better able to face the different complex situations, or the challenges that life puts them along the way.
In Babies and more Hug your child every day: nine benefits of hugging for childrenIf cortisol predominates
The stress hormone is cortisol. This hormone has the mission of putting the baby's brain on alert, in a situation of threat, so that it assesses whether to flee from situations, or fight against them (even if it is not able to be a baby). A parenting style in which the moments in arms are limited, the baby cries without finding comfort, and even receives screams or grimaces of distaste will cause the baby's brain to always maintain high cortisol levels, and that the child always feels threatened.
They are babies who grow up thinking that the world they live in is a hostile place, and that they are in relative danger at all times. Thus, they become most fearful, distrustful and scary children; Children who have less self-confidence, and who face the same situation, where some see no greater problem or risk, they may perceive otherwise.
That is to say, they are children who may find people, behaviors, events, etc., threatening to other calmer and safer children as soon as they are affected.
When children grow up ...
Then it happens that these children, those who grow up with the predominance of oxytocin and those who grow up with the predominance of cortisol, become teenagers and then adults. It is clear that in the end they will be the sum of all the experiences that have made them arrive where they are, and that the school environment, friendships, etc., will have a lot to say as well.
But it is known that childhood stress is an indicator of certain mental disorders in adulthood, and there are many who reach that time, to adulthood, even dragging that alert state, of distrust in other people, and of distrust in themselves… too much prisoners of their comfort zone, even, living simply adrift of the events, without being active part by the fear to suffer again.
In Babies and more Two minutes ignoring your six-month-old baby is enough to stress himThat's why we want our children to grow up happy, and feeling loved and respected. And that those hugs and that containment also come even when they are older, when something surpasses them and they cry and we have two options: tell them to overcome it, that it is not so much and that they scatter, or help them regain their calm with a hug, love and close dialogue that help them see problems from another perspective, and to develop solutions.
That no, we are not talking at any time to live their lives and avoid all evils, but to teach them to live their own lives facing what comes with security, firmness and self-confidence. And this, experts say, is achieved with love, respect and love. And not as our parents and grandparents believed, they thought they should let us cry to make us stronger.
Photos | iStock
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