Being sociable beings by nature, many of us get excited to share our life with our family and friends, and also, to know and know what plans they have. When it comes to children, it is common to ask what the couple's plans are, by way of talk or interest to know more about them.
But there are certain questions that I personally think we should stop asking, because besides being a decision that only corresponds to the parents, it is possible that, without this being our intention, by asking: "when is the other one?", we can remove certain wounds or cause moments of anguish and pain.
The series of questions
Surely you have ever had to see an image on social networks or talk to someone about the series of questions that people usually ask, and that are “increasing in level” as they progress to new stages of their lives.
It begins when we are single or single and ask us and when does the boyfriend? Then, being a relationship, ask about the wedding. We got married and then the questions begin for future children. We have a baby and sometimes they don't even finish the quarantine and they are already asking us when the other one is.
In Babies and more When you decide to have only one child and they say: 'What if something happens?'Personally I never liked to ask those questions because I they seem to put pressure on people to meet the expectations of others, when the answer to all of them is the same: when each person decides.
I consider that most of these questions should be eliminated or at least reformulated, so that they are less demanding in terms of time (that is, the "for when"). But today I will focus on talking only about the famous “when the other?” That we usually do to those who already have a child.
Why should we stop asking "when is the other one?"
A short, simple and quick answer would be: for when parents want. But I don't want to give an answer like that without more, because what I would like is for people to understand the reasons why we should stop asking and so, let's start to have more empathy and respect towards others.
The main problem is that for many people it is understood that if you already had a child, you have no problem continuing to have others, so it seems easy and harmless to ask the question. But sometimes, There are personal circumstances that may influence whether or not you have a second child, and that may be sensitive issues for those who receive the question.
In Babies and more, what are the main obstacles for families to have more children? For example, a cousin's wife presented a very serious complication during her postpartum period, which had her admitted to the hospital and endangered her life. Fortunately and thanks to the work of doctors everything went well, he recovered and was able to return to his family's side, but After that terrifying experience, they decided that they would not risk it happening again and that is how they chose not to have any more children.
In other cases, secondary infertility may occur, which is when couples achieved a successful pregnancy and had a baby, but subsequently fail to conceive. A situation that although is rare, yes it happens and it is very stressful and overwhelming for those who live it.
My experience
Just as there are situations in which, for reasons of parental health, the question of a second child can remove a wound or touch sensitive fibers, there are other circumstances in which asking that question also hurts. Some examples of this may be a divorce, a perinatal loss or a complicated family situation.
In my case, it was first. From a young age, I imagined with a large family. Because in my family we were just my sister and I, I longed to have at least four children. But three years after the birth of my first and only daughter, I made the decision to divorce.
In Babies and more, why are there more and more unique children?Naturally, at the beginning only my close family knew about my situation, so when I met someone known in the street while I was walking with my daughter and they asked me that question or they told me to hurry to have another "to play together", and although perhaps for some people it is insignificant, I felt like my heart was breaking in a thousand pieces and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.
I don't blame them, they didn't know about my situation or my dreams of having many children and seeing them play and grow together. They are not responsible for what I feel, much less if they ignored all that. But maybe I would not have gone through so many bad times, if people did not take the confidence to ask those kinds of questions, whose answers do not really belong to us or concern us.
Since I became a mother and after knowing the sadness that such a question can cause, I take great care not to ask them. Because really It shouldn't matter to us when they will have a first or second child, or how other people do things in their lives. The only thing that should matter to us and that it is okay to even ask them, is that they are well and happy.
Photos | iStock
