We talked about temperaments in each child because each one is different, and seeing how they evolve we are in a moment of changes, such as tantrums. This is a topic that worries parents, who are overwhelmed by the intense emotionality of their children and the explosive expression of their feelings. My son also had tantrums.
I will tell you how my son evolved at that stage and I will add other examples, so that, by sharing information, we are more prepared to understand them and to carry them. And is that tantrums are natural and healthy for their development.
Tantrums and communication
There is one aspect that also strongly influences the intensity and duration of this tantrums stage. And it is the ability to communicate with words and the acquisition of verbal thinking.
Calling things, within yourself, identifying your emotions, is a tool that will help them express what they feel. Being able to speak with more or less skill also helps the child a lot. If you know how to tell us what's wrong, what you want, what you doubt, will be the way to make yourself understood.
But of course, there are children who with a year and a half they stand in tantrums without knowing how to speak. This stage lasts less, in general terms, if we respond with empathy and respect, without qualifications or punishments. But it's not always that way, because every child is different.
If he speaks with two years, things may improve. But there are many children who do not acquire, without having any problem, an adequate verbal ability until years later. And those are the ones who have a worse time and make their parents worse.
Obviously, if there is experiential crisis Intense the child's ability to adapt to new situations can make the emotional overflow stay longer. The arrival of the little brother, the nursery or family problems affect them, they can modify their character, although the basic temperament does not usually vary, if they can materialize in situations in which the parents say that “I do not recognize my son”.
I tell you two examples in this regard of tantrums and temperament.
The tantrums of my son
My son is a child with a lot of activity, not physical, but mental. In need of verbal, emotional and tactile stimuli and experiences. As a baby he was very moved, nothing seemed good, not that he did not like the crib, which of course. It started soon to have tantrums
I had what I call the "cradle syndrome with spikes" and although I went to school with great progress, I still did not want to be in the stroller, or in the hammock, or in the park or even in arms for a long time. The arms were the best option and without a doubt they improved our relationship a lot when I decided to take it always stuck to my body.
He wanted variety, he got bored of things as soon as he investigated them. The stage from the year to two years was a strenuous race. The truth, I thought I would not survive. For a while he was happy, communicative and vital and after five minutes he was angry as a possessed.
My mistakes
I now know that I made mistakes. First, take a few months to decide to collect and carry in your arms without restrictions. But that served a while, then their needs became more complex.
On the one hand, I thought that to attend to him was to be always doing monkeys. He didn't leave a moment of solitude with him. Now I know that, always pending and giving response and encouragement, yes, but not overload it. It would have been more appropriate to have him accompany me in my active tasks, but letting him see and ask, not offering continuous stimuli.
On the other hand I was very afraid. I think that fear was embedded in my soul when I was afraid of losing it in the last stage of pregnancy and in its first months of prematurity. And that fear of something happening to him took me years to heal. Germs and accidents were present in my head all the time. And I think I limited his oral examination and crawling. Is not easy recognize mistakes I committed, but I hope that my experience will serve you as it has helped me to learn from them.
Resolution
In the face of each crisis I used all the resources that I have been telling you to breed without scourges and empathic formulas against tantrums. And that greatly facilitated the process.
I'm still with him, my son. Tantrums, which never reached limits like the ones I've seen ceased after two years. There were two factors that I think influenced and helped him return to the way he was before. First, I relaxed and learned to communicate without losing my temper. And second, he started talking at two years suddenly.
He was a child who until two years old barely used understandable words, only the typical invented monosyllables of children's language. But I did something well if I talked to him a lot continuously. That, added without a doubt to his personal characteristics, made that in a couple of months he acquired a complex language, with perfectly constructed phrases.
And with language came peace. And above all, humor came and learned to laugh at those things that get us stuck in dead ends. I remember one day saying that I wanted a tit, and when I gave it I didn't want to, but I wanted, yes, no, yes, no. Come, focus, I said, what you want is neither a tit nor a tit. And he laughed out loud, passing the moment of anger.
Conclusion
My son also had tantrums and the process, in its particular case, evolved thanks to the experience in empathic upbringing and its particular characteristics. I invite you to share with each other's experiences and the strategies you follow when your children have tantrums too. Surely we all learn a lot.
