Today We interview Teresa García, Psychologist specialized in Child Psychopathology, psychoanalyst and expert in helping families find ways to relate and communicate without violence through their project without punishment.
Teresa GarciaIn addition, it actively participates in the media. As I said, he works on a very interesting professional project called Sin Castigos, in which he offers workshops for parents who want to learn to educate without punishing and to use compassionate speech in their relationships.
What led you to study Psychology?
The desire to find a more harmonious way of life than he knew.
You are an expert in psychopathology of childhood and adolescence, why?
When I was 15, I listened to my neighbor shout insults to her daughters, under six years old at the time. It seemed very strange to me, because while they were babies their words for them were full of affection. For me it was a mystery, such a drastic change in attitude in so few years. And I wanted to discover the mystery of his change.
Many people will be interested in knowing that mystery, did you find out?
I discovered that being a father or mother is not taught. That you apply more or less what you remember from your own childhood. And that in such situations, both adults and children, are suffering.
That concept surprises me, I had always thought that the worst unemployed in such a case is the weakest, in this case, the youngest.
Certainly the weakest suffers, and has consequences, which are what he usually manifests later, among others, when he becomes a father or mother. It is a vicious circle.
Is that circle of violence broken? Who has the ability to break it?
It breaks, if the adult wants to do it. Most people feel that their parents failed in some sense, they tell themselves that they will not fail in the same. Then the children are born and they are presented with a dilemma.
The critical moment then is when the children are born ...
Yes. From that day they will find themselves in difficult situations with children, all the fathers and mothers pass us by. And they will have to decide between using what their parents used or learning new skills.
Is that decision conscientiously?
It depends. In some cases you will hear say "now I understand my mother / father." In other cases you will hear "I have become my mother / father, what a horror."
What do you propose to break the circle?
According to the cases. The first thing I propose is workshops where to learn and practice new skills, I direct such workshops myself. If the damage or emotions that I detect are very strong, then I recommend, in addition to the workshops, therapy.
Therapy for fathers / mothers, for children ...?
First intention only with fathers and mothers. I believe that if they solve it, children do not "have" to step on a query. In this case, self-esteem in the family improves significantly. Adults feel more competent and the children renew their confidence in their parents. If the case requires it, I work with children.
Your website is called "Without punishment", why that name?
We adults self-mediate and punish our peers. I could name several examples, but I will tell you the case of a 28-year-old man who attended in consultation. He was angry at something his mother was doing and asked me if I punished her without speaking for several days. I asked him if he considered that his mother would stop doing what bothered him. Logically, his answer was no. Then I asked him if his mother would know exactly what was bothering him, followed by another refusal. Right there he realized that he needed more effective tools than punishments.Because in our society the punishment reaches everyone. It may seem only to the little ones, but it is not so.
I have seen on your website that you offer distance therapy, can you do therapy over the phone?
To do therapy it is necessary to have an attentive listening. The voice reveals many things that the word itself does not. I have also trained in effective distance therapies, such as the Yuen method. With adults it is easy to consult at a distance.
If you had a genius who granted you a wish, what would you ask for?
That thousands and thousands of people would know the importance of skills other than prizes and punishments. In this happens as in home education, it is necessary to "normalize."
What do you call normalize?
Why professionals in education, psychology, medicine, social workers, etc. etc. Know what it is. It is not logical that a social worker does not know the educational alternatives, because he will lack enough data to distinguish between abandonment and an education at home.In the same way, it is not logical that a teacher or a psychologist ignores tools and skills that improve living together. "Normalize" is in this case, inform.
Are you doing something to extend this information?
Yes, access to the media, at the moment the Internet gives me a broad means of dissemination, to reach thousands of people. I also participate in a program on a radio.
One last question, before you made a comparison with home schooling, do you know her?
Very closely, in fact I practice it with my five-year-old daughter, although “officially” I am not in the compulsory stage, I use a distance school. And I met this alternative because of the normalized work that several families in Spain have done. Then I already accessed statistical studies on the subject in several countries, and it seemed an interesting alternative. This alternative is criticized in many areas saying that it limits the formation of children and even that prevents socialization ... It is a criticism that I have heard very often. And part of the ignorance. Studies on adults who were once educated at home, show that suspicion is totally unfounded.
I am going to ask you to do another interview on this topic of the socialization of children and also about education at home, would you be willing?
Of course. As soon as you want we do it.
Thank you for talking to me about a topic as exciting as our sons and daughters.
Thank you for allowing me to speak clearly.
There is an expression that I have heard on occasion to say to Teresa and that I liked a lot: "educating is not punishing, precisely we educate not to punish", that, in addition to some parallel personal experiences in the formation of our children has led me to know to an extraordinary professional, one of those that we would all like to meet if we needed your help, because she speaks from empathy and lucidity, from love and respect, which I firmly believe are the solid basis of human experience.
We invite you to help us, with your comments, to prepare the second part of the interview with the psychologist Teresa García.
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