Many mothers, given how short the 16 weeks of maternity leave they have by birth, decide to extend that time by taking leave of absence, making reductions in working hours or even stopping work to care for their children.
This is a normally difficult decision for everything that comes at the income level, since only the couple's salary will enter the house, and for everything that involves socially and emotionally, because not working is not well seen by everyone and because being a mother does not “quote” in social assessment: the most admired women are usually those who work hard, are ambitious and ascend in their profession while those who stay at home do it “like the old ones” or as the "maintained" that only seek to take advantage of their partners (sounds hard, but it is so).
It is also a difficult situation because people do not usually understand these mothers, they do not usually know what they are doing and, what is worse, they do not even respect them. Proof of this are the different comments that these mothers have to hear often and that between today and tomorrow we will reproduce here: Ten things you never have to say to a mother who decides not to work to take care of her children.
1. ”But right now you will look for a real job, right?”
Because of course, being at home does not count, it is not working ... Before this a mother could answer: “Yes, I could go to a house to clean. I have also seen that they are looking for people in the corner shop, where they iron clothes. Even the nursery that is two blocks from here looks for people to take care of children, ... but now that I think about it, I will charge to clean the house of others, to iron the clothes of other people and to take care of children that I do not know and I will have to pay a daycare for another to take care of mine ”. Seen like that sounds absurd, right? Why look for a job where you have to pay another to do what you can do?
However, not all women have jobs that are replicated at home (such as cleaning, ironing or caring for children), and that answer cannot always be given. Does not matter. A woman values the moment of her life in which she is and he does what he considers best for the whole family. If at that time you prefer to earn less money to raise your children, nobody should judge that act as a waste of time because, in fact, He is giving his children what they need most in childhood, their presence (and this cannot be valued economically).
2. "Ahh, that is ... don't you work?"
"Well yes, nothing less than 24 hours a day, like all the mothers in the world". The difference is that for mothers who do not have a paid job, nobody pays them, nobody recognizes their merits, nobody gives them paid vacations and nobody explains what happened to them yesterday or listens to their concerns or their stories with their partners.
In other words, they are mothers who do not disconnect from the life they have chosen (which they will know in the end, because they have chosen it that way) and, in my view, it is a way of living more difficult than that of mothers They are going to work receiving a salary at the end of the month. Without going any further, several women I know tremble when their children have several holidays and have to stay with them and several say at the end of the summer that "uff, now that I get to work, I begin to rest."
3. “Since you have a lot of free time, could you make photocopies of this and cut these cards for the school's AMPA activities?”
“Yes, I can, but not because I have a lot of free time. I will look for a hole or I will take hours of sleep to do it, because during the day, between breastfeeding the other, preparing food and picking up the kitchen, making four trips to the school to take and bring the elderly, clean the house, put washing machines, ironing and folding clothes, going shopping, to the bank, to the park with the little one I also play with at home and some other things that I leave, I don't have much free time left, really. ”
Mothers who decide to stay at home with their children usually do so with all the consequences. They take care of children who are small and do not go to school, of those who are older and do go, of household chores, shopping and many other things and many times, when the couple arrives, there are still things to do.
They could have the help of the grandmother or the grandfather, who are already retired and do not work, but since they are there, it is better to let the grandparents rest, that enough have worked and enough children have been raised so that they now have to do it again . Yes they have to be with them, well let it be to play and enjoy (As ideal for grandparents, although occasionally, if they are willing to lend a hand, they are not denied, of course).
4. “All day with your children? I can't imagine it… ”
Well, they are children and behave as such. They have their way of doing things and many of the things do not know how to do them. They are individuals in training with needs and concerns different from those of adults and, by definition, they need the company of an adult like Mayo water, both for fun and for growth and learning.
The best thing a mother can do for her children is Be that adult to accompany you on the road: sow and you will gather. It is true that there will be better days and worse days, but being with your children, who are the people we love most in the world, should be wonderful and not an ordeal. The touch makes the affection and of course, when you get used to spend a certain time (little) with your children then it costs more to spend more time with them, because it is not customary. It's like couples, many times they don't really know each other until the holidays arrive and spend much more time together (for the good and for the bad) or until they reach retirement and spend the whole day together.
5. “What envy you give me. I would also like my husband to be rich in order to stop working. ”
"What? Rich husband? No daughter no ... you have so much, so much you spend. If you want to change your flat for a bigger one, have two cars, go on vacation at Christmas and in the summer and go out there on weekends because the house 'falls on you', it is normal for you to have to work both. ”
If instead we choose not to change the flat, have a single car, go only on vacation in summer and wherever they invite us and if we choose to enjoy our home on the weekend, how much sweat it cost us to get and how many years we It will take to pay, because you may not have to work so much ... It is not that everyone can afford to do without a salary, but many people can. Everything is to propose.
He who has more is not richer, but he who spends less.
To be continue
Tomorrow we continue with this post commenting five more things that we should not say to a mother who decides not to work to take care of her children.
