It seems like yesterday when your child started daycare and a month has passed. A month in which everything has changed so much for you as for your son, who has gone from being at home with his parents to spending several hours without you, in the nursery.
After this month you take stock and it seems that the accounts do not come out. People often say that there they are awful, that they are doing well, that they learn many things, that ... and yet you do not see any of that, because your child is more nervous, sleeps worse, eats worse and is now more dependent, following you anywhere as if I didn't want to leave you alone for a moment.
Then you start to doubt, because in a nutshell He has been in the nursery for a month and it seems that instead of going forward, which is what everyone expected, the child goes “back”. Instead of showing more autonomy, being happier, older or more hustler it turns out that it is going to the opposite point. Then it comes when you ask yourself: It is normal? Do I do something to remedy it?
The importance of trying to understand our children
Most things that happen to our children have an explanation. Most of their behaviors too. Therefore, the most important thing for parents and their child is that they understand him or at least try to do so.
The situation that I have described above is typical these days, when many parents, accustomed to their children growing and maturing over time, realize that since he goes to the nursery school it seems that his little big boy starts to get small. time.
The reason for this happening can be twofold: or it is a regression, which is a mechanism that we humans have to try to return to past times, as if we wanted to relive them, because in those moments we felt better than today (have you never wondered why there are people who seem to live anchored in the past?) or is it simply a logical consequence of the changes that are occurring, fruit of fear or feeling of loneliness (although the regressions are also logical and normal, eye).
Since she goes to daycare she wakes up much more
It happens that many children start kindergarten when they are more than a year old and some children, with that age, wake up very little (once or twice) and others do not even wake up (and others like mine, woke up several times) . As well, as a result of going to kindergarten many children start to wake up more often, as when they were few months old, in what seems like a behavior that was already overcome.
Given this situation there are professionals who come to recommend the typical “do not pay much attention”, because they understand that children “are taking advantage of a moment of weakness of the mothers, who feel bad for taking them to the nursery, to try to make them pay attention at all times and even to get to sleep with parents. ” Many parents even agree to these statements because "it is true, these days he came to the room to get into bed, when he has always been well in his room."
The truth is that Children are not usually as macabre as adults, so the explanation is much simpler: after many months of living at all times with a mother, father or grandparents, that is, with some known and loved references and in a family environment, suddenly spends several hours at day (not several minutes, several hours) in a place that they still do not feel familiar, with a caregiver who is also not part of their familiar family and with children who are not too friendly either.
The most logical thing that can happen to a child in a situation like this is that at night, before the incomprehension of knowing that there are times of the day when he will be alone (without his dearest references), he wakes up every two times. Three to see that everything is fine, in order. He will even want to get into the parents' bed to be close to them in search of a “reconciliation”, something like a "show me that you love me, please, I begin to doubt".
Since she goes to daycare she has become more dependent
Another thing that can happen is that, for the same reason, a child is suddenly more dependent on his mother (or father). The boy who used to spend long periods playing alone or undeterred because Mom left him alone for a moment because he was going to do something else may have changed his behavior by avoiding being left alone and following his mother as soon as he sees him going through a door to exit.
“Don't let your child grow up depending on you. Let him play alone and learn to spend time without the company of an adult so that he can solve only his own problems ”someone could say about it.
But nevertheless, the child's behavior is again completely logical. Before, I had no problems because I was always with my mother or a known adult. He knew that even if he left the room he was going to be there quietly, with no danger of stalking him, and that he would soon return. Now, however, things are different. Mom is not always, sometimes she spends hours in an unknown place with unknown people and still does not control the time too much to know when that will happen or how long it will be there. The most logical thing is that you are alert all day, without separating from your mother just in case, it is not going to stop him and leave him just as when he stays in the nursery.
In short
Many children start daycare and live well, without problems or side effects. Many others have a bad time and "collateral damage" are changes in behavior at home or even the appearance of regressions, all normal processes. That they are normal does not mean that there is no need to intervene in any way (I say this in case someone comes up with that "bah, it is normal, you do not have to do anything ..."), because they are processes in which a child is showing that he really feels insecure and that he is also very worried.
What to do? As I say, some professionals are able to say that we should not allow them to get into our bed, that we should not give in to their “blackmail” or that we should continue trying to play alone without our presence, so that we do not retrace what we have walked. I suggest instead (in addition to each mother finding the answer to the question), to allow the child to live the situation in the best possible way, that is, giving him all the love he feels he has lost because now he spends several hours without his dearest ones.
“Come here to my arms, my son. Nothing has changed, mom still loves you. ”
