When the current vice president of the Government of Spain, Soraya Sáenz de Santamaría, returns to work after eleven days of giving birth, it is clear that is not being the best example to achieve a decent work and family reconciliation, by obviating the rights achieved.
Although it is also pertinent to ask whether the lynching he has suffered in certain areas has been fair, oblivious to particular personal circumstances and respect for the decisions of others, as well as unaware of the specific circumstances in which Soraya Sáenz has returned to work. Come on, I didn't think so at all. And, as little as we identify with outside decisions, shouldn't we respect a parenting option freely chosen by parents?
But, what bothers me most about this matter is, Why doesn't it happen when a man goes to work after being a father? How many politicians have been parents and we haven't even heard? Who is outraged that Sarkozy is not with his wife and son when he was born?
Are not children a thing of two, and the same "example" of women should be followed by parents? Or does the woman have to be primarily responsible when we talk about casualties, leave, leave, day reductions, conciliation, parenting?
Well, although we know-say-think that no, that conciliation is a matter of two, the force of habit and a tradition that weighs too much is that it is the woman who is most responsible in this matter.
You have to keep fighting, and much, to show that reconciliation is necessary, that children should be with their mothers or fathers as long as possible, and that the Government, businessmen, workers, media ... the whole society must join forces to make this possible.
The trap is that we are not interested in how men reconcile
I recently read an interview with Yolanda Barcina, the Navarrese president, to whom the journalist asked if it was easy to reconcile when one is president of a Foral Community. Barcina returned another question: “What would a man answer to this question? How many has been done? To which the journalist responds that surely to none. "That's the trap!" Concludes the president.
And yes, that is the trap. Than In this society, the woman caregiver and principal responsible for the children is assumed. That men are denied workday reductions because raising a child is their women's business.
And, although a six-month maternity leave would be necessary, which is the period that WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the baby, parents should not be excluded from permits, even if they were forced to fulfill the reconciliation things it seems That would be better. Although in this "force" I have my qualms, because again we would not be attending to the personal needs of each. Rights, and not obligations, what do they say.
In a context full of inequalities and traditionally macho, it is the woman who stops working (they also charge less, so they “lose” less; we see that injustice has its roots far behind), it is the woman who in her Company has less facilities to reconcile.
Barcina herself points out in the interview that she has felt discriminated against as a woman, when she was not given a job for which she was better qualified than other candidates "because she could get pregnant." Currently, the grandmother lives in the family home, "a strong help to reconcile."
But it is a difficult conciliation where he wins the job, judging by what Barcina says: that he tries to be with his son the first (or first) hour of the day and have dinner with him. He acknowledges that public life has led him to give up spending more hours with his son. For her it is more a matter of quality than quantity. Something with which we can agree more or less, but that has been the result of the mother's meditated decision and perhaps she does not always seem equally good or bad.
Political and non-political, talk about conciliation
The fact is that listening, reading a woman talking about these issues is quite common. It seems to be intrinsic to being a mother. But It is not the same to ask the mother, how does she breast? How do you reconcile?
It is also customary to criticize mothers for not complying with the permits: that of the former acting defense minister, Carme Chacón, when she returned to the office as soon as she completed the quarantine after the birth of her son, falls short of the aforementioned case of The current Vice President.
The same is found on the opposite side: women who extend their permits, take leave, reductions ... and are criticized and misunderstood by the environment. But we are talking about women at all times. Men are not asked, they are not criticized, it is as if this were not with them.
How many times have they asked me during pregnancies or permits if I was going to reduce working hours, to extend leave of absence ... However, I don't think anyone would ask my husband. We return to the same, no "journalist" asks men.
And even when, among us, the possibility that it was he who reduced the day was considered. I think that we might have opted for it if the environment and we ourselves had considered the option in a more "realistic", more usual, more "normal" way. Without this meaning that I disagree with my reductions in working hours, a situation in which I still find myself and which I enjoy. Surely my husband would enjoy it the same way.
With optimism I believe that little by little we will read and listen to more relevant men in public opinion talk about their conciliation, just as they do more and more of their paternity. This will lead to more and more ordinary men doing so, for anonymous families to accept that reconcile is a matter of two. Like parenting is a matter of two, which is to take this issue from another perspective.
We want to know how politicians reconcile, men, we want to know if they take a day of leave or twelve, if they claim more facilities to reconcile, if they reduce their days, if they are denied reduction, if the baby drinks from the tit or gives him a bottle. Of course, in the end, criticism will not be fought, in one way or another. But it's okay to talk about it. Step by step…
Photos | Gracie and Viv, Ed Yourton and Robert Whitehead on Flickr
In Babies and more | More playtime with children, quality time or amount of time ?, Real Conciliation Now: another way to reconcile family and work life is possible, do we not have time for children?
