A few days ago I brought you an entry explaining to future parents that at the time they had their son, and as he grew up, they were going to realize that the love that comes from children, the love they give us, is the purest, most sincere and selfless that exists.
They do so because they are children, but children grow up, reason and feel, and in the same way they love, they are able to feel the love of others, but also the heartbreak. Most parents love them madly, we would do anything for them, but many of us screw up by mixing churras with merines, or in Christian, love with acts, and we fall into the trap of making an emotional blackmail that hurts More than we think. It's the blackmail we do when we tell them "Yes (no) you do that, Dad won't love you", something we should never tell them, ever.
Love has nothing to do with behavior.
They give us their love and love without reservation. They want to be with us at all times and they want to share their lives with us. If that were not the case, they would not cry when they saw us leave the house nor would they tell us those phrases that make us so sad "but why do you have to go to work today?" Our obligation and responsibility is also to show them our love, to love them in the same way, without reservations and, above all, without our love having anything to do with his behavior.
I don't know if you've ever said it, but I'm sure you've heard it more than once. A child does something, or stops doing it, and his father, to try to achieve the goal, which is to listen to him, tells him that if he does something, or if he doesn't, "Dad won't love you," mixing love with the acts of children.
Love of remove and put?
Love should not be offered as a reward ("I love you very much, because you have done what I have asked you") nor should it be restricted as a threat, as in the aforementioned phrase. This should not be done because love and affection must be above all things. Our children should know that this is immovable, that we love them and will want them to do what they do. In fact, it is very important that they know when everything is going well, and it is very important that they know when we have to act and talk to them, when they have done something wrong and we have to correct them, when we want them to modify some behavior.
I don't want to say with this that we have to tell them that we love them and then what bothers us: "I love you very much, but I would like you to stop doing this, because if you do ...", but simply say nothing related to love or love at those moments. By not saying anything we are not touching it, neither for good, nor for bad, we are not mixing it with its acts, nor with the consequences, nor with everything ending well, badly or worse.
If we begin to mix love with requests, if we threaten to withdraw it or give it if they do what we want them to do we will be creating the love of remove and put, which is nothing more than a false love that moves by interest and that is not born from the heart, but from our head, to get what we want or not to get it. In the same way that we play to love them at intervals, they can also end up using the love of remove and put, that in which they will love us if we please them, and they will not do it when we do not.
Love must be untouchable and indelible
It is obvious that there will be many moments in which we do not tune in with our children, in which they pull to one side and we to the other. It happens often, it happens among adults, it happens among children and it happens between parents and children. Sometimes the discussion will be a dialogue and other times one of the two will lose patience and the dialogue will end with one of the two wanting to settle the issue with louder voices. It is the law of life, it is learning, it is negotiating, it is breaking with everything for another day, perhaps taking it back and reaching an agreement. This is how it grows, this is how it is negotiated, that way the two parties get rich, because sometimes they give in and sometimes they give in others.
All this happens and In all of this you don't have to doubt your love, never. And I never say because on more than one occasion we will have to say "No" to our children, and the last thing you should understand is that by telling them we are not stop loving them. Similarly, they do not have to learn that their love for us can be fragile, like the one we make them understand that it is our nut. They should not learn to love conditionally, because then their love will no longer be pure, but that fake love or affection that moves so many adults that in their personal relationships they only seek their own benefit.
Your self-esteem in danger
Self-esteem is the image that one has of oneself, which has a lot to do, but a lot, with the image that others have of one, or rather, it has a lot to do with how does a person believe that others see him or how important it is for them.
It is not the same for a child to be loved by their parents and know dear, to be loved and believe that love hangs in a very fine thread that any day can be broken. This detracts from self-confidence and makes them live with fear and with little security, because as you know, children do not always make the best decisions and sometimes they screw up to the bottom, but they do not always do it with evil.
How many children we thought of as a child "is not fair" when they punished us for something we had done without wanting, or that we had done without knowing what was wrong. In fact, sometimes they punished us for things that one day were good, or nothing happened to do them, and another day, because the adult's criteria had changed, they were wrong. Acts like this disoriented us greatly. Well imagine what would have happened if To love or stop loving each other would have been intermingled On it.
