When talking about parenting with attachment and when it comes to defining what is the philosophy of this educational theory there are people who are lost, because it ends up adding features that are not, as I have been able to read recently in an article that talks about extreme parenting, saying that people who breed with attachment, in addition to doing things as strange as asking for a respected birth, use homeopathy, do not vaccinate their children and do not give them cow's milk.
That's when you realize that there are those who are not understanding too well what the movie is about, and that it ends up pigeonhousing many people with a label that leaves them close to the extremes and unconsciousness and ends up hurting, I think , to the change of educational model that many parents defend. Because, I say, What does parenting with attachment have to do with giving homeopathy, not vaccinating and not giving milk to children?
When churras are breeding with attachment and merino homeopathy, do not vaccinate and do not give milk
The saying goes that the churras sheep must not be mixed with the merines, because each one has individual characteristics that can be lost or softened when mixing. Well, in the aforementioned article they are mixing churras with merines, because giving homeopathy, not vaccinating and not giving milk are not exclusive decisions of people who decide to follow the theory of parenting with attachment, just like people who raise with attachment may not give homeopathy, vaccinate their children and give them milk.
John Bowlby's attachment theory
The people who have decided to raise our children based on the logic that says that babies and children have basic needs that must be met, including the need to be cared for, loved, and to feel loved and respected, we are raising to our children according to the postulates of the theory of attachment of John Bowlby, who talked about babies needing a primary reference, a person to cling to more than anything, to feel safe and out of danger and, from there , start growing and developing as a person.
The work of the parents, or the logical thing then, is promote that link be generated, providing security and therefore respecting your needs, which are usually those expressed in an innate way: need for contact, suction, feeding, etc. Well, it's not that the child asks for it, it's that if he doesn't have it, he demands it. If he feels alone he cries, if he is not fed he cries, if you try to sleep on his own, he cries. The logical thing, then, is to understand why you need us (pure and hard survival, because they are not rational acts) and act as parents based on it.
But Bowlby doesn't talk about limits
While the child is a baby we are like who says at your service, although it is true that the child orders when we err in our approaches. If we carry them in our arms or backpack, if we sleep with them, if we take them into account, if we listen to them, if we do all this because it turns out that it is how we feel, the child does not need to order or complain ... "how little Your children cry, "" how good they behave, "they usually tell me. "Sure, they don't have too many reasons to cry," I usually answer.
This is confused with doing everything children want when they grow up. In the article I mention they say the following:
Here and now setting limits seems to be prohibited ... for attachment breeding it is not lawful to set limits or educate through the reward or punishment system.
But this is not true. Bowlby never talked about raising children so that they had no limits or rules. You can love with madness, you can respect the needs of children, whatever they are, and explain what are the social norms on which as parents we govern, so that they are internalized.
We respect them, but we want them to respect us. We respect them, but we want them to respect others, that's why we teach them that you can't hit, that you can't take other people's things without permission, that you can't shout according to what time because we bother neighbors, etc. ., that is to say, We explain rules (or limits). What we do not do is invent absurd limits only so that they learn that the elders are the ones in charge, or that in life they will not have everything.
In other words, you can educate by setting limits, punishing and rewarding children, and you can educate them by explaining rules and bypassing punishments and rewards, because children are smarter than that… It is not necessary to treat them like little animals, so that they appreciate the prize that we give them or so that they hate the punishment that we provide them, because with dialogue and example they end up internalizing social norms. It is not a matter of doing things because they feel good (when receiving a prize) or letting them do it because they feel bad (when being punished), it is a matter of doing things because that is right and stop doing them because that is wrong .
Weaning prohibited before three years
As they comment, these strange people who carry out this extreme parenting style have weaning prohibited before 3 years. Well, forbidden there is nothing, if anything, if we talk about respecting children and that they respect mothers, what seems more logical is to breastfeed until two years and then, from that moment, leave the decision in both or one of them. But not because Bowlby or some extreme parenting guru said it, but because pediatricians say it ... if you go to the pediatrician and ask him how long to give him, he tells you that until he is two years old and then as mother and son decide, because it is which is recommended by WHO, UNICEF and the AEP, among other health agencies.
How to implement a theory that forces the mother to extend breastfeeding to 3 or 4 years of life of her child? Few jobs resist such a thing. Many of the postulates of this philosophy are irrelevant for a woman who, in addition to being a mother, needs to work.
But listen, that children do not feed only on breast milk, that they eat normal food, which is made in casseroles, pots and pans and sold in supermarkets. While mom works they are able to eat other thingsWhen mom returns, they can, if they want, breastfeed for a little while, and then dedicate themselves to play or listen to the stories that mom has to tell her (or look, she can even explain the stories while mom, who already knows that women are multitask).
Above they demand a respected birth
Not to mention the requirement for a Respected Birth, which this week was on the agenda because many parents disagree with the practices in hospitals, so they claimed to be able to choose options such as giving birth in their homes.
And, of course, what women, always complaining ... how beautiful it is to give birth and that others take command, that they yell at you and treat you like a girl who does not know how to do the O with a dog .
Well, yes, it is not that I want all mothers and women to give birth in their homes now, because I would like women to have a respected birth in hospitals and perhaps that is why the weeks of Respected Delivery are done, but hey, if it ends up being the only option for a woman to feel good giving birth, I understand that they end up doing it.
And children don't even get vaccinated and give them homeopathy
Natural philosophy suggests to parents not to vaccinate their children. Many opt for alternative medicines such as ayurveda or homeopathy, which support prevention or cure from the balance of the body's energy and without drug substances.
No no and no. That there may be parents and couples who follow the theories of parenting with attachment and do not vaccinate and make use of homeopathy, I do not say no, but that one thing is linked to the other not. It is one thing to respect children, spend time with them, try to educate them by giving them freedom, but teaching them how to treat others well, how they would like to be treated, and another very different thing is not to vaccinate them, putting their health and health at risk. population, basically because it has nothing to do with one thing.
In regards to homeopathy, more of the same. I like that my children take few medications, or in other words, take the necessary ones and no more, but That does not mean that I will stop giving them medicines to replace them with homeopathy., which neither has a scientific basis nor has yet been able to demonstrate that it works beyond the placebo effect.
And they don't give them cow's milk either
The article continues focusing on a woman who decided to follow Bowlby's postulates and also adds her own theories, and they fall into the error of thinking that every person who raises her children based on attachment theory avoids giving milk to her children:
Among other things, Naomi chose not to feed her child with milk or beef products, according to the conception that cow's milk helps develop allergies. When he stopped breastfeeding, ...
Well, I say the same, if Naomi chose not to give cow's milk or derivatives well for her. In my house we drink milk and derivatives for a very simple reason: they are very rich and studies seem to say that it is not as bad as they paint it (they do not produce mucus, as many people say, and the latest studies seem to say that it protects against some cancers ).
Well, what does one thing have to do with the other?
I understand that it is very juicy to put everyone in the same bag, because that eliminates several problems at once: "What did the tit give up to two years? Uff, that is very bad because they are people who do not educate their children, they don't give them vaccines, they give them medicines that don't work and they don't even give them cow's milk. "
However, it's not true, each thing must be treated separately because, as I say, people who do not vaccinate it are everywhere, followers of Bowlby or not, people who do not drink milk too, and people taking homeopathy, I do not tell you ... nor will they know who this Bowlby is and surely more than one I would hallucinate with that of not punishing children.
Photos | various brennemans, Mothering touch, Photomontage made with photos of Boa-sorte & Careca In Babies and more | Is there the Natural Aging pack: natural childbirth, colecho, no vaccinations, portage and breastfeeding on demand? (I) and (II), Is the mother who raises with attachment better? About neomachism and raising with attachment
