We continue with our interviews in the month of the Father. On this occasion we go to talk to the psychologist Alejandro Busto Castelli, father of two children, lecturer and director of Ceibe Psychology.
How would you explain that internal revolution that caused fatherhood in you?
When they ask me this or I start writing about it, the metaphor that appears again and again is to be reborn. Fatherhood has meant for me, a change in many areas of my life including all the decisions that have to do with the professional. In fact, CEIBE Psychology emerges in the heat of conscious parenthood during a leave of absence, living every minute of the day with my puppies and my partner.
What do you think is the key to a harmonious family relationship?
For me, a high level of emotional or deep communication between all its members is essential. Obviously to get to communicate with our children from that place the reference of how the couple does is basic. A couple that makes dialogue a celebration of bond and love is a powerful example for their children.
What would you advise our readers?
It is essential to accompany this vision of communication, with educating them emotionally, because emotional communication is awareness and expression of what we feel. It is imperative that children can tell us that they are angry, sad or happy and why. This whole framework includes very well-behaved concepts in the last decade such as empathy. Everyone talks about empathy, thousands of books in different fields, school brochures to greater glory of empathy.
Do you really empathize with children?
The adult-centered vision in education castrates shamelessly respect for the vision that children have of life and the world. And that is to stop respecting them. Therefore in your system where part of it is not respected, there can be nothing that resembles harmony.
In the same way that many women during pregnancy prepare for maternity by attending courses, support groups, seeking the accompaniment of a doula, should courses and groups of men be created and standardized to prepare for paternity?
We are taking We are still in the phase of removing consciousness, of reclaiming a space. But we are taking time to build and shape those spaces for parenthood. At this time, in this very significant month, we are talking about some parents and professionals about shaping the so-called parent circles. A space for male parents to express and contain each other.
I feel that 2013 will be a year of news in this regard.
And answering your question with a vision of the future and of cultural change, where we are going is probably for all the support and training to be directed to couples as a whole. The beginning of the journey of the Blessed Mother / Fatherhood together. I can't think of a better place. This at the moment is completely utopian.
Should we work to create circles of men similar to circles that occur between women?
In the beginning yes, I think that is where you have to start. So far the reality is that the most conscious and emotional men have used the spaces traditionally designed for women. Thus we have been appearing in the pre-delivery courses and in some parenting group. We need a solo space first, to get rid of the shadows of our inherited roles. We desperately need to kill "Peter Pan," and then join joint support circles, as I said before. Our CEIBE project wants to commit to this work and we are in that.
What limits or taboos do you think society has yet to make it so hard for men to take out their tender side even with their own children?
My vision is that men have to learn to walk the path of tears, that is, to connect with our emotional essence. Or reconnect. Because although our starting point is not the best, due to a delayed maturation of our central nervous system, the destruction and emotional castration is produced by society and current culture.
We must abolish the flags of the supposed male strength linked to not feeling. It is essential to question who and what we serve when we stop feeling, when we abandon emotional ties.
To stop being an emotional machine to be a rational machine is to be part of the capitalist gear and only serves the perpetuation of a deeply unfair system in many areas, including childhood and women.
What does a father need to get out of that loop of silence about his feelings and be able to launch himself to enjoy his fatherhood intensively?
As men and fathers we will have to look once in the eyes of the child we were. The one who cried one day, the one who was happy when he did not play, the one who enjoyed “behaving badly”, the one who hated and felt anger publicly, to the shame of his elders. That day we will be free again to feel what we want. That day we will shout to the world that being a Father is more important than any other vital entrustment, that we love and suffer with our children despite whoever weighs them, that we want to be a conscious part of their lives, and that we are willing to build minute by minute , side by side, decision by decision with their mothers, the scenery necessary for them to choose freely, what role they want to play in this society and in this culture that they have to live and unfortunately suffer as well.
We thank the psychologist and father Alejandro Busto Castelli the interview he has given to Babies and more, so full of sincerity and power. And we invite you to stay tuned because in the next few days we will publish an interview with our editor: Armando Bastida. A new fatherhood arrives. Do not hesitate.
In Babies and more | "The best place for a newborn is the arms of his mother." Interview with Jose Ernesto Juan, of the Besos y Brazos Association, "The dedication to raising my son is offering me a lot on a personal level." Interview with Jose Ernesto Juan, founder of the Besos y Brazos Association, Father's Month in Babies and more
